Ok, I need some advice. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing.
Here is the scenario:
My friend is very young. She is also just married. She and her husband are thinking about having a child. She desperately wants a child, but she admittedly will be on public assistance when that child is born.
Should she wait? Should she have a child anyway?
Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?
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11 comments:
My personal thoughts. It is irresponsible to have a child when you cannot afford to care for your child by your own means. I don't think society should shoulder that responsibility. Unplanned pregnancy does happen and that is a different story.
How young is your friend? Can she not wait a few years until she has some financial stability? Having a baby is supposed to be exciting, as is doing your nursery and buying the things your baby needs, she wouldn't be able to do those things. I think there would be so much negative....it would not be the amazing experience it should be.
I don't think there is ever a "perfect" time to have a baby, but I do think it's logical to wait until you're at least financially stable. I can understand wanting a child, but if she has to depend on public assistance, then I think it's in her best interest to wait a bit. Public assistance can only do so much and it will still be a struggle- why put herself through that stress if she doesn't have to? We're okay financially, but it's still a struggle at times to make sure we have everything we need.
It actually does bother me when people intentionally try to get pregnant when they know they can't support their child. I do believe in social services and giving help to those who need it- but it should be a last resort and for those who find themselves in circumstances they can't control and need a little help to get back on their feet (call me an idealist). It gets under my skin when women go "it doesn't matter that I don't have the money for a baby right now, the government will bail me out". Social assistance was NOT put in place for someone to have the convenience of this choice.
I don't know how long they were together beforehand, or if they lived together, but I also think that if you are just married it's in your best interest to wait a bit before TTC. Starting a life together can be stressful enough on its own. TTC and pregnancy can put a real strain on an established marriage/relationship, let alone a newer one.
You must be speaking of the girl on FF that is 18. She has admitted before getting pregnant that she will be on public assistance. She is expecting a girl
If you wait until you can *afford* a baby, you'll never have one. That said there's a difference in having to tighten your budget and spending when you get pregnant and planning on going on gov. assistance when you get pregnant.
In my opinion, if you cannot afford to have a child, by your own means, then you should wait. It is also my opinion that anyone on public assistance should be required to use birth control instead of being allowed to continue to get pg to milk the system for more money. JHMO
If you can't afford your own kid without being on welfare, you have no business having one. I don't think there is any "right" time to have a child, but if you KNOW for a fact you will be on welfare, you shouldn't be contemplating having one, no matter how bad you might want it.
My advice to your friend would be "Get a job! Save some money!"
As an adult, I have worked for everything I ever had. Why should I support her and her child?
I agree with Emily. If you wait until you think you can afford a child, you'll never have one.
BUT, if it's at the expense of tax payers then you need to rethink your situation.
Well the truth is that it doesn't really matter... they are going to continue to populate the earth! LOL
She should wait. It's not anyone's responsibility but her own to be able to financially provide for her child(ren). It's not MY job to take care of YOUR family! I do agree that if you wait til you can afford one, you'll be waiting a mighty long time. Yes your honor, there is a difference between "rearranging" finances and just being flat out broke and in no financial position to support a child.
I agree with everything that Andrea said. If you can afford it, don't have one. Its common sense.
This sounds like a post you'd make fun of on FF.
I think it's future Jerry Springer material.
I think you should post this on FF, lets see what the ladies there have to say!
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